OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
