still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
