In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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