Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
