Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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