Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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