Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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