New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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