question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
