Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
