I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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