I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
