I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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