I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
