Your tits are I can't wait for
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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