Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
