This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she told me i tasted like america
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
