just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
