this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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