I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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