You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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