do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
