I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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