the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're too hungover to prance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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