am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
