Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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