that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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