let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
