I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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