There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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