did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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