using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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