Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
