Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
