dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize