I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
