Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
