it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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