I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
