just tell him i said nine months
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
