I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
