So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
