i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
