When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
