I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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