So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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