plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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