Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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