when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Farmville is her only friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
