Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
