Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
