I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
