I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
