if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
