Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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