Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
