Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
