Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
