I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
