I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
